Sunday Funnies...

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

JOB PERFORMANCE TERMS

Good Communication Skills - Spends lots of time on phone
Average Employee - Not too bright
Exceptionally Well Qualified - Made no major blunders yet
Work Is First Priority - Too ugly to get a date
Active Socially - Drinks a lot
Family Is Active Socially - Spouse drinks, too
Independent Worker - Nobody knows what he/she does
Quick Thinking - Offers plausible excuses
Careful Thinker - Won't make a decision
Aggressive - Obnoxious
Uses Logic On Difficult Jobs - Gets someone else to do it
Expresses Themselves Well - Speaks English
Meticulous Attention To Detail - A nit picker
Has Leadership Qualities - Is tall or has a loud voice
Exceptionally Good Judgment - Lucky
Keen Sense Of Humor - Knows a lot of dirty jokes
Career Minded - Back Stabber
Loyal - Can't get a job anywhere else

A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. 

The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp. "Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must have happened."

"Yeah it did," he said. "I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having sex with my best friend."

The bartender pours the guy another triple shot. "This one's on the house". The dude gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife?

The guy answers "Yea, I walked up to her, told her to pack her bags and get out!"

"What about your friend?" asks the bartender. 

"I looked him straight in the eye and said BAD DOG."