Saturday, December 31, 2011

Drunken Observations...

As New Years Eve is upon us, I would like to relay some information to remember as we all go out and celebrate. I have tried to simplify this process and make it as universally understandable as possible.

Luckily for me, I do not require the information due to the fact that, when I drink, I carry myself with a certain quiet dignity which carries me throughout the evening without incident. Also, I have never acted like an ass while consuming alcohol so I barely understand these illustrations myself.

New Years resulutions...

This year, I think I'm going to try and lower the amount of junk mail I get. No real reason, just a fun little project for me. My plan is out lined below.

Should work out, right?

Strange but true...

Ah yes, laugh tracks, telling dumb people when to laugh at their favorite shows for 50 years! I'll never look at Laverne and Shirley reruns the same way again.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

First World Problems

Those little problems that we, in the West are forced to deal with that are, at best, minor inconveniences.

'Merica we love you!

Just got a late Christmas card from a friend of mine. I told his wife to say "Hi" for me.

Yup, on my way to Hell...

We should try it...

At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama apparently issued eighteen rules for living. Since word travels slowly in the digital age these have only just reached me. Here they are.
  1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
  3. Follow the three Rs:
    1. Respect for self
    2. Respect for others
    3. Responsibility for all your actions.
  4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
  5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
  6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  8. Spend some time alone every day.
  9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
  10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
  12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
  13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
  14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
  15. Be gentle with the earth.
  16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
  17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
  18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Old School...

If you didn't have one, you wanted one. If you had one, you were pretty darn cool.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

2012 Presidential Candidates...

As the Caucuses in Iowa began, I began to prepare my feeble little mind for the arduous task of voting for the next president of the United States in November.

I have watched a little bit of the debates and speeches that have been on the telly, and have come to the conclusion that any of the potential candidates could most likely be the lesser of two evils and eligible for my vote.

However, I have made a few choices that, I feel, would be a better candidate and would require no settling whatsoever on my part.

God help us all. We will hopefully elect the person who is least likely to sell our little country to China for a few magic beans. Or, whoever spends the most money on their campaign, like every other year.