Sunday, December 22, 2013

Sunday Funnies...

A very handsome and confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. 

The woman notices this and cant help but ask, "Is your date running late?" 

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." 

The woman is intrigued and asks, "A state-of-the-art watch? Whats so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. 

"Whats it telling you now?" 

"Well, it says youre not wearing any panties..." 

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!" 

The man taps on the face of the watch and explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. 

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" 
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. 
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" 

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Three men died and stood in front of God. 

God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven. 

The second man admitted to only an affair and was given a midsize car. 

The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car. 

A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry. 

"What's the matter?" 

"I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!"

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