Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.
"That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned his attention to the lawyer... "Name them."
A local farmer just outside of town grew watermelons for a living, and he was doing quite well but was being hassled by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch late at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made a big sign and posted it right in the middle of the watermelon field. The next day the kids show up to eat and found the a sign that read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
Feeling violated, the kids made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign, then ran off. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"
She shows up at his apartment unexpectedly, slams opens the door, and sure enough he's naked in the arms of a beautiful redhead.
This angers her, she is furious and can no longer control her emotions. The blonde opens her purse and pulls out the .38 handgun she bought earlier. As she takes aim, grief overcomes here and she points the gun at her own head.
"No, honey, don’t do it!" yells the boyfriend.
"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."