Sunday, December 16, 2012

Sunday Funnies...

We've all been there, being so broke that at Christmas all you could exchange were glances. Stuff like that you remember a lifetime. Just in case you don't know if you're broke, here are some ways to tell...
  • At KFC you lick other people's fingers.
  • If you wanted to rub two nickels together you'd have to borrow one.
  • At communion you go back for seconds.
  • You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
  • You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
  • Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
  • If you stopped on a dime, you'd probably owe it to someone.
  • McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.
  • Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.
  • You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice and cookie.

A guy is on a date with this really hot chick, so he takes her up to Lover's Lane. Things start getting hot and heavy and, just when they were about to go to third base, she says "I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker."
The man thinks for a bit but, being really in the mood, he asks "How much?" She replied, "For you, $25 since I like ya."
He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having sex. After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you too now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for a ride back to town.''

A crusty old man walks into the local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. "
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this b*tch giving you a hard time?"

And remember...

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