Sunday, August 19, 2012

Sunday Funnies...

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Sam," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.
"Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Sam is dead!"

A man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of -factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The Dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
"Cool, says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the Dad answers, "Two for Friday, Two for Saturday and Two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks with bright eyes, picking up the 12 pack.
With a sigh, the Dad replied, "Those are for married men, one for January, one for February, one for March..."

Two hungry cannibals are walking through the woods and find a man who recently died. Seizing the opportunity, one cannibal says to the other, "Check this out! You start at the feet and I'll start at the head and we'll meet in the middle!"
So the two cannibals start eating. After about 15 minutes one of them stops eating, looks up, and says, "I don't know about you, but this is great! How you doing?"
The other cannibal answers, "This is great! I'm havin' a ball!"
The first cannibal replies "Hey, no fair! You're eating too fast!"

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