Sunday Funnies...

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me." 

"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company." 








A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.

"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye 

A FARMER went to see an attorney about getting a divorce, and the
following discussion took place.

Attorney: "Well, do you have grounds?"

Farmer: "Yes, I have about 140 acres."

Attorney: "No, you dont understand. Do you have a case?"

Farmer: "No, but I have a John Deere."

Attorney: "You still dont understand. I mean, do you have a grudge?"

Farmer: "Yes, sir--thats where I keep my John Deere."

Attorney: "No, no! I mean do you have a suit?"

Farmer: "Yes, sir--I wear it to church every Sunday."

Attorney: "Well, does your wife beat you up?"

Farmer: "No, sir. We both get up at 4:30."

Attorney: "All right, all right. Let me put it this way. Why do you
want a divorce?"

Farmer: "Well, I never have been able to have a meaningful
conversation with that woman."