Sunday Funnies...

Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

So the that's what Rich did.

The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said Joe.

"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!"

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. "Your on!", he says.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.