Sunday Funnies...

Farmers Brown and McDonald were sitting on Farmer McDonald's porch discussing plowing technique when Farmer Brown notices a pig with a wooden leg hobbling across the front yard. He turned to his friend and asks, "Say, Henry, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"

"Well, John, that pig...," his eyes mist up, "That pig's a mighty special pig! A few weeks back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and fought him off. Saved my life!"

"And the boar tore up his leg?" "No, just got a few scratches, nothing serious. But that night the barn caught fire. That ol' pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!"

"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Henry?" "No, John, the next day my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond. I got knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out."

"...but that's not how he hurt his leg." "Oh no, no, he was fine. Cleaned him up real nice, too."

"Okay, Henry. So just tell me. How did he lose his leg?"

"Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig that good, you don't want to eat all at once."

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole - killing them both instantly.
The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he'll get back with them on that request.
A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can - in fact - get married in Heaven. To his surprise, the woman asks "Just wondering, if things don't work out will we be able to get a divorce?"
With a stern look in his eye, Peter blurts out "Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here... you really think I'm gonna find a lawyer?"

One day little Tommy was walking with an older neighborhood kid named Billy Bob and he got curious.
"Billy Bob," Tommy asked, "How come everyone calls you by your first name and your middle name instead of just Billy?"
"Well," Billy Bob answered, "When I was little like you, I used to get in trouble a lot, and when I did my mom always called me by both names. I guess after a while, it just stuck."
"Oh no!" Tommy cried. "I'd better straighten up then!"
"Why's that?" Billy Bob asked.
"I don't want to end up being called 'you little sh#!' for the rest of my life!"