Sunday Funnies...

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.  The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said.  "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny.  The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.  She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.  "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler.  She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.
After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, "I think I broke his gambling". The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money."
"DAMN!" said the father.
"What's wrong?", the teacher asked.
Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!"

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

A teacher asked her students to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence.

Marta said, My family went to the Louisville Zoo, and it was fascinating to see all the animals.

The teacher said, That was good, but I wanted the word FASCINATE.

Sarita raised her hand.

She said, My family went to the Cincinnati Zoo and I was fascinated by the animals.

That's good, too, said the teacher, but I wanted the word FASCINATE.

Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language, but surely he couldn't damage the word fascinate, so she called on him.

Johnny said proudly, My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight!